we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
