I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
