who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
