Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
God, I missed his penis.
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