I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
