Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
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Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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