That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
