I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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