you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
