Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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