My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
