even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
