I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
