Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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