alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'm really busy with my period
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