does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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