your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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