Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
