escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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