Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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