What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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