I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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