had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
