Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
