between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize