He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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