you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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