I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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