WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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