Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
