yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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