I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
