Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize