He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
