It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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