So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
