and i looked up. we had an audience...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
