I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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