do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Will exercising make me less horny?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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