gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
