Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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