We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
