Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
