just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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