we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
