Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
