Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize