I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Duck Duck Cougar?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
