I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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