she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
