how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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