3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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