what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
