No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
