I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's never too late to be topless.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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