yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
