Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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