I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
