She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
