Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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