I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
