One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
